My first week of "normal"

This was my first week back at school. I was ready to come back for the most part physically, and emotionally I figured I would never really be ready. I wasn't sure how the first few days back would go. I knew there might be questions and probably some hugs. It has been pretty interesting actually. Some people don't know what to say, so they just completely ignore me, while others don't know what to say and so they just hug me. It is always hard to know what to do when someone has had a tragedy in their life, so I understand not really knowing what to say or do. I have definitely had a lot of encouraging words from the majority of my co-workers which has really helped me to have a great week. Several teachers I work with don't know me very well, but have told me they are reading my blog and that they love it. So I guess I'll keep writing. :) I definitely have done better emotionally this week than last week. But part of me almost feels guilty for that. It's like, I have been so busy this week, that I haven't had as much time to think about Brittyn, which makes me really sad. I know that is the way it is supposed to be in a sense, but it is still hard. In the evenings when I get home I have been really tired, but thankfully my mother-in-law was with us this week to help take care of everybody. The evenings have been the hard part emotionally for me, because when I would finally get home and sit down, it would hit me exactly why my mother-in-law was here, and why I was so tired. It is definitely like a roller coaster with me. Thankfully most of the time this week I have been on the top of the roller coaster, feeling so thankful for all of my blessings. I also learned one thing that the death of Brittyn has helped me with. This is somewhat of a hard thing for me to admit, but I am going to anyway. Ever since Makenna has been born, Kailey has been in her "terrible twos". Except she is 4. She is a very strong-willed child, and it feels like, especially when she was 3, we were having to spank her constantly or constantly discipline her in some other way. Meanwhile, Makenna was what I would call my "sweet little angel baby" always happy, always smiling. She has always been a momma clinger, and wanted to be right with me. So in a sense, I started feeling like I was starting to like being around Makenna more than with Kailey. This always made me feel incredibly guilty, and I have been praying and working through it for awhile. Well, ever since Brittyn passed away, I have been feeling so much love and delight for Kailey. I see the good in her, much more than her discipline problems. I have been able to focus on that instead of the times she is not acting right. I feel so much better about my relationship with her, and my love for her. This is all right in time for Makenna to start her "terrible twos". haha (Oh and boy has she! Merciful heavens!) Thank those of you who have been praying for me this week as I started back. I think God has showed a lot to me about people through all of this, and I think I am friends with some of the best people on earth. You guys are helping me through this more than you know. :)