Its late. Well for me anyway. I am feeling very anxious about a lot of things right now. I thought maybe if I blogged about them it would make me feel better.
Before I talk about my anxieties thought, I am so sad about Jon and Kate Gosselin. I watched the hour-long depressing announcement show tonight. You know, where they announced their divorce. It just makes me so mad. They were supposedly "a christian family" and yet they won't even try to save their marriage. I mean no counseling, no quitting the show (heaven forbid) to try to make things work. Nothing. It just makes me so mad!
But enough about them. One thing making me feel anxious is my job. We got a new principal. Usually during the summer, I don't really think too much about my job. Especially this early. But, it is sorta hard not to when you get emails every other day reminding you things will be different. I think this change will be for the better, more support, etc. But so far, all it is producing is anxiety. A lot of things are changing that I won't go into, but all these changes are making me anxious. Basically though, what I'm teaching is changing, who I'm teaching with is changing, the schedule is changing...basically everything is changing. Change brings anxiety.
Then I guess the other thing bothering me today is the whole having a baby thing. I would have been 11 weeks today. I just wish I had it back. I am feeling so anxious about not being able to have a baby. I think before, when we weren't really planning the baby, I didn't desire it so much. But now, that I've lost a baby, I want it so much more and I'm afraid it isn't going to happen. It is just nerve wracking. And scary.
At Fuge last week, we all wrote down things we wanted to be held accountable for. One of mine was to not worry so much. I know that I need to give all this anxiety to God. Sometimes that is so hard. That is all I can really do though, and hope that it goes away!
Thanks for reading..if I read this tommorow and it sounds ridiculous, it may disappear! :)
Here I go again.
14 years ago
3 comments:
Hang in there girl. God knows your heart. I will keep you in my prayers.
Sarah, I hate change too! It is the unknown that brings so much fear, but you are in my prayers as always.
last night at Bible study we read a psalm where david feels abandoned by God.
yada yada.
the teacher told us a time when she felt that way. when she had three miscarraiges.
BUT
one of them was BEFORE she had FOUR kids, and two of them were after her first kid.
i know you're worrying you won't have another one because mom had 3 after laura, but when the teacher said that i immediately thought of you, and felt better for you. i don't know if it makes you feel better, but it made me feel better.
and to keep things well-rounded, we read psalm 13.
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