2012

What.A.Year. In a lot of ways I am happy to see 2012 go, but in others I am sad. After all, this will be a year without Brittyn, in any form or fashion, which is hard. I know that might seem like a weird thing to say. I'm ok with you thinking that.

I felt like I should blog about 2012, and then Kelly's Korner had a fun way to bring in the new year, so I decided I would follow her format:

1. What are you most thankful for?
2. What were the highlights of 2012 for you?
3. What are you hoping for in 2013?
4. What were some of your favorites of 2012? (clothes, movies, songs, TV shows)
5. Who was God to you in 2012?

1. I am most thankful for my Savior, my husband of 9 years (wow!), my three precious daughters, my house, my job, Casey's job, my Swaggerwagon, Chick-Fil-A, Starbucks, and Sonic Diet Cokes. (In no particular order).

2. Highlights of 2012 were: Turning 30 (surprisingly...), being pregnant, realizing how much my friends and family care about me, paying off a lot of debt, getting $5,000 of my student loan forgiven, watching Kailey and Makenna grow and change into little people with such personalities, planting and taking care of my Brittyn flowers, going on a cruise, snorkeling in Cozumel, Having the best group of students I have EVER had the privelege of teaching, meeting Angie Smith, celebrating 9 years of marriage, planning Makenna's Pink Lemonade Picnic 2nd birthday party, and planning Kailey's Pancakes and Pajamas Birthday party (shallow yes, highlight most def!)allowing God to use me to bless other people, through sponsoring a child, etc.

3. What I'm hoping for in 2013: To pay off most of my student loan, to become pregnant/have a baby, that everybody I love stays healthy, that God continues to mold me into who He wants me to be, that God continues to show me what he wants me to do with losing Brittyn, that we will fund one well for the people in Uganda in honor of Brittyn, that Makenna becomes potty trained (like now.),that I will lose at least 30 pounds (also like now).

4. My favorites of 2012: REVENGE (the TV show, not the action), REVOLUTION, Sonic Diet Coke (duh), Starbucks White Mochas, Chick-fil-A Chicken nuggets, Karen Kingsbury books, facebook, instagram, pinterest, my turquoise-ish nail polish color, spending time with my girls, watching/listening to the girls as they play together, the German Chocolate cake Casey make me for my birthday, My new red polka-dot Toms Casey got me for Christmas, my apple products, etc.

5. Loaded Question. God was my Peace in 2012. To say that my relationship with God was different this year than any other is an understatement. Through Erin losing Graham, and me losing Brittyn, I questioned God. Like a lot. I just didn't understand why we lost our babies. (Still don't). Through all my questions, and all my worries and doubts, God has been with me, and has given me so much peace. I know that He is in control of my life, and He has a greater plan for my life than what I have imagined for myself, and I have come to a place of trusting Him, even when I can't understand what in the world is going on. He is my Savior, my Redeemer, my Constant, and my Peace.

Here are just a few of my favorite pictures from 2012: (I have SO many more. But I had to stop!)

Giving Vs. the "I Want" Syndrome

I want a bigger house.

I want to buy my children clothes from whichever stores I want, whenever I want to.

I want to be able to travel a few times a year, to all sorts of cool places.

I want to be able to go to a nice dinner for special occasions, even if it costs an arm and a leg.

I want to be able to buy the trendiest clothes and jewelry.

Really, the list could go on.

Obviously, that is my human nature talking, and not my Christian nature. We all battle some part of that nature every single day. When I look at my finances, a lot of days, all I really want is more money. To spend on me. Or my family. Obviously.

Yesterday, when Casey and I were looking at our budget, however, I realized, that for the first time in our marriage, our giving percentage is higher than every other category in our budget (except our house payment..which is another story for a different day). This made me so full of joy!

But what about all of those "wants" up above. I mean, couldn't I stop paying all of the money to my church, and to compassion, and to World Vision, and to Holden Uganda, and...you get the picture...and use it to do some of the things above instead?

Yes I could. A lot of people do.

But...those wants are not why I am here. Those wants, are not why Brittyn isn't with us.

I don't know why Brittyn isn't with us, I won't until we are in Heaven. One thing that God has placed on my heart within the last few months is the importance of doing things for God's Kingdom, in honor of Brittyn. I feel like that gives her short little 23 week life, purpose.

One way that we are giving, as of this month, is we decided to sponsor another child. There have been some months, where I looked at that $38 Compassion donation, and thought to myself "Man. I sure could use that money". Well, instead of taking it away, we are adding another $35 through World Vision. We found a girl, who was born the year Casey and I started dating...On Brittyn's birthday, April 14! Isn't that wonderful?? So Brittyn isn't here, but now this little girl's life will be forever changed because of our support! What a lovely feeling!

The second way that we are giving, is through Holden Uganda. Chet and Sarah Erwin started this organization when their son Holden was stillborn, when Sarah was 9 months pregnant. They, like me, wanted to do something to honor their son. They decided that they wanted to make 9 wells (one for each month of Holden's life) in Uganda. Well, after awhile, they realized that more people wanted to make wells in honor of their babies. Holden Uganda has now funded 108 wells for the people in Uganda! Each well has the name of a baby that has been lost, engraved on the side. (Go look at the pictures. Your heart might actually stop beating when you see the wells and the Ugandan people next to them!) Each well gives clean drinking water to 1,000 people. ONE THOUSAND PEOPLE.

Brittyn is not here, but 1,000 people get life.

Sign.Me.Up.

SO, we have chosen to fund a well for Brittyn. We need about $2,000 to fund a well. My goal is to have this well funded by Brittyn's birthday, April 14. We obviously cannot fund the well on our own by that date, so we need your help! I was going to wait until the new year to introduce this project, but since your donations are Tax Deductable, I thought some of you might want a way to keep a little more of your money, come April.

If you want to help us now, or in the next few months, or both, all you do is the following steps:

1) Go to Holden Uganda (look at the pictures of the projects!)
2) Click on "Donate/Support"
3) Click where you are located (USA, etc.)
4) Click "I do not have an account"
5) On the drop down menu select "Brittyn Elizabeth Williams"

Follow the payment steps. Help us make Brittyn's life have a wonderful purpose!

Kailey's 5th Birthday

Yeah I know. Didn't I just start this blog? I mean, wasn't she just 6 months old, like yesterday?

Our sweet girl is 5 years old, as of December 5! Kailey has brought us so much joy. She is a handful sometimes, and has turned into quite the drama queen, here lately, but we can't imagine our lives without her. Kailey is such a big helper with Makenna (sometimes too much of a helper...), she loves to draw and make crafts, she loves to sing, and she loves gymnastics and her TOTS basketball class at school.

This year, Kailey had a pancakes and pajamas party. This was one of my favorite party themes thus far. It was just a really great party!

This was one of the weekends, that the warm weather in December was nice. We were able to rent a bounce house, and set up most of the party outside, which was lovely!

I got the idea for this theme from Pinterest. Here are the websites/shops where I purchased things or recreated things for the party.

Shirt: Bowdacious Baby
PJ Pants: Another Etsy Shop
The Party Package: Another Etsy Shop
Fruity Pebble Cupcakes Recipe
Bacon and Egg Pretzels
We rented the bounce house from Eagle's Wing's Inflatables

There are way more party pics on facebook, in case you missed when I posted them. :)

A Half Marathon

Pshh. Not mine.

Casey's!

I was super proud of him! Casey decided earlier this year that he wanted to run a half marathon on December 8. He convinced my sister Laura to train and run it with him. The weather was humid, and misty, and yucky, but otherwise everything was great. We were afraid it was going to be hot, and then they wouldnt' be able to run very well, but it worked out great. Laura got a leg cramp, but still completed the run, and Casey finished in 2 hours and 15 minutes, which I think is fantabulous for your first half!

Fall

Yup. This one is getting all of the fall event pictures lumped into it. We had a lovely fall. Some days it was 90 degrees, some days it was 70. Some weeks it had both going on at the same time. We did some lovely things this fall.

Here are a few of our annual pumpkin pictures. (I ordered their shirts from bowdaciousbaby).

(There are a lot more where those came from, but I am over trying to upload pictures onto blogger!Feel free to peruse my facebook)

For Halloween this year we went to 2 Fall Fests. Well not on Halloween. That would be madness. One was at Casey's sisters' church in Robinson, and one was at our church. It was fun to dress up the cousins together. This was one of the times in the fall where the temp was in the 50's. Kailey was The Little Mermaid, and Makenna was (obviously..)a bumblebee!

Moving right along...Thanksgiving. I got to leave school and eat lunch with Kailey at her school Thanksgiving feast, and then we spent Thanksgiving day at my Grandparents' lake house in East Texas. We took pics for my mom and dad's Christmas Card that day. Here are a few extras that I liked of the girls with my parents and sisters (and brother-in-law).

We also had our Annual Pumpkin Carving Party, and had a fun day on Veteran's Day at the Mayborn Museum (because I actually got a day off that was not Labor Day! Crazy!) If you are desperate for more fall pics, you know where to look.

Our Cruise

Yup. We went on the cruise in August. It is December 20. I know I'm behind, don't act like you don't still want to read it.

Casey and I decided that since we weren't going to have a baby in August, we were going to go on a cruise. The church financial secretary is also a travel agent, and she helped us choose which cruise to go on. This was our first cruise, so we decided to go on a 5-day cruise with Carnival, to Progreso and Cozumel Mexico. We had a ton of fun! It was super relaxing, and nice to be away from all forms of communcation. My mom kept Kailey and Makenna for us, and they had a great time with her as well.

Our first port was Progreso, Mexico. We didn't book an excursion ahead of time for this port, because we figured we would just hop a city bus to Merida (the Yucatan area's capitol) We had read reviews, and spoken with our travel agent, and we thought this would be pretty easy. Yeah, um, Mexico is scary. So, instead of doing that, we found a travel company in Progreso that offered tours to Merida on charter buses that were air conditioned. Our tour guide was super awesome. We got to see the oldest church in Mexico, and had a super yummy lunch, all while feeling like our lives were not in danger, as opposed to our first option.

Our second port was Cozumel. This was by far the best part of our trip. We booked an all-day excursion, where we drove beach buggies to a private beach, and then went snorkeling. It took me a bit to get used to the whole snorkel mask, but once I did, WHOA. So amazing. The water was perfect. The perfect temperature, so clear, and beautiful fish! We would love to go back to Cozumel one day.

We definitely had a blast, and would love to go again. I would love to go on a Disney Cruise with the girls, when they get a little older!

I'm Learning

Lately, I have had a pretty stressful time at work. I'm not going to go into details, but let's just say, things have been a bit frustrating. Things are still great with my principal, and my students, and my coworkers, but from the head honchos office, things have been coming down the pipe that have been a tad frustrating.

I got so frustrated last week, that it was totally consuming me. I mean totally. I was just letting it completely take over, and then I was letting it affect how I reacted to things at home as well, which obviously is not good.

On top of all of this, I really want a baby, and I just have to face the reality, that it might not be in the cards for us. If there is one thing I have learned this year, it is that God is in control of everything, and if it isn't supposed to happen it won't.

For several weeks, I was totally consumed with having a baby. Until I heard the song "Clear the Stage" by Jimmy Needham.

Um. Have you heard it?

One specific part that got to me was this:

"Anything I I can't stop thinking of is an idol"

or perhaps

"Anything I want, with all my heart, is an idol"

Hmmm...

Yeah, so I have been learning, that I need to be content with what God has blessed me with, and fulfill my purpose on this earth as a teacher, wife, and mother. I need to strive to bring glory to Him, no matter what I want for my life. His purpose for me, is to bring others to Him. It's not for me to have a perfect little family, with the "right" number of children, in my timing.

So that means, that when things get stressful at work, or when I want a baby tremendously, that I need to give those things to God, for Him to control, and I just need to bring glory to Him each day with everything I say and do.

That's it.

I had the awesome opportunity this weekend to go to the Women of Faith Conference, in San Antonio, TX. I went with my church, but especially with my wonderful friend Erin. You might remember reading her story about her son that she lost, named Graham. We were so excited to go to this particular WOF, because our BFF (not really), Angie Smith, was speaking there. If you haven't ever read her blog, you totally need to. She is amazing. Erin and I began reading her blog almost 5 years ago. Angie lost her daughter, Audrey Caroline, 2 hours after she was born. Erin and I were totally consumed with Angie's story way before we ever knew we would be living out our own versions of it 4 years later. We got to meet her, tell her our stories, and get her autograph.

Below are some pics from our trip. I am also going to put links to a few books. There were some amazing speakers at WOF this year, who are incredibly genuine women, that have some wonderful, encouraging books to read. If you have a Kindle, they are all under $10, and if you don't, they are all under $15!

Book Suggestions:

Anything: The Prayer that Unlocked My God and My Soul by Jennie Allen

This girl is a Pastor's Wife, and she had an awesome message! She is pretty young too, so she is easy to relate to!


Stumbling into Grace: Confessions of a Sometimes Spiritually Clumsy Woman by Lisa Harper

Um. She is HILARIOUS. She has tons of books, but this one is her latest.

Then of course, my BFF, Angie Smith, has 3 books:

What Women Fear: Walking in Faith that Transforms

Mended: Pieces of a Life Made Whole

Then, her first book, about Audrey's story, would be great to read if you have lost a baby, or know someone who has. It is incredible.

I Will Carry You; The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy