When I began this blog, 6 years ago, it was titled (and still is on the link) "Life with Kailey Rose". Oh how I love her so, but let me tell you, Life with Kailey Rose, as been far from "Rosy" this week.
Home girl is struggling.
As am I.
I think so many times I (without necessarily meaning to) act like I have it all together. At least in the social media world. People who see me in public can probably tell by my disheveled appearance, that this stay at home mom with 3 kids business, is kicking me in the booty! At the core of my distress this week, is my strong-willed Kailey Rose.
I honestly really feel like I don't really know what to do with her. (Did I say that out loud? Like..where other people can see it??)
She has gotten quite the sassy mouth on her. We have had more than one fit this week, where she has spewed some of the most hateful, horrible things at me. I have tried many consequences with her, and nothing seems to make one bit of difference. I have had such a bad time this week with her, on top of Hartlee's constant fussiness (teething), on top of Makenna's 4 year old typical testing-the-waters-disobedience, on top of: it's the end of the summer and we haven't had our daddy home much to help us. All of these things have caused me to doubt my effectiveness as a mommy. It has been quite disheartening.
Oh the devil has had quite the fun with me this week in my thought life. I would say the low points were:
"Maybe the reason we can't afford for me to be a stay at home mom full time, is because I am really awful at it"
"Maybe the reason we lost Brittyn, is because God knew I couldn't handle 3 children, and He finally just caved and gave us Hartlee because he could see how much I wanted her"
I decided to blog about this for a couple of reasons. One, is probably in the hopes that I am not the only one who feels like a horrible mother during phases such as these, and maybe my willingness to admit these struggles will help you! Another is probably in the hopes that someone can help me, or at the very least pray for me.
And for Kailey. Home girl needs some Jesus up in her heart. :)
It is so hard to be vulnerable, and write this post. But, sometimes I just need for people to see how I really feel, instead of my social media, filtered pictures that make it seem like everything is 100% perfect, 100% of the time.
Here I go again.
14 years ago
2 comments:
I wrote a really long post and it didn't show up, so I'll do a short version. :) I have zero advice because I'm a mess too. I've got a stubborn, crazy, strong willed girl myself, and the only thing I can do to keep from losing it sometimes is to pray that God uses that fierceness for his glory one day. Heaven help me when she's actually old enough to really talk back! In the meantime, I have to recognize that "voice" of mommy failure for what it is---words from the enemy, NOT words from our Father. Do not give him the power to shape who you are inside or out. Recognize it and replace it with scripture. It may seem silly, but just realizing that those thoughts are not what God thinks about you can be powerful. I'm committing to praying for you and Kailey 3 times a day (morning, lunch time, and night) for at least a week. He will bring you both his peace. We'll be diligent in asking for it. Hang in there.
From one broken-human-Jesus-needing mom to another; you're doing an amazing job. How do I know this? Am I just throwing out quick cliches? No, but I know Jesus...and I know He is inside you; therefore since that same power that raised Jesus from the dead is inside YOU- I'd say you must be doing an amazing job....at loving your girls and pointing them to Him. The most important thing any Mommy can do. And I too have to tell Satan to shut up multiple times a day. None of us have it all together; thanks for being vulnerable! I needed it!!
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