Thoughtful Contemplation

I think it is safe to say that I am a worrier. I have been for as long as I can remember. At times it is worse than others, but lately I have had much to worry about. It is so hard for me to just let it go, and give it to God. Is it hard for anyone else to do that? I mean it is so silly. Me worrying, isn't going to help anything, but me giving it over to God will not only make me sooo much less anxious, but I mean God can actually handle my problems! Today in church I guess that hit me. The sermon was really good today, it was about not being partially committed to Jesus. I know that in most ways I am definitely fully committed, but in things, like anxiety, I am definitely not! I just need to let God handle my worries, and stop trying to control everything!

Another thing I noticed, or was convicted of, in church today was how I am so negative at school. I mean don't get me wrong, this is the most stressful time of year, because of the TAKS test, but I just have really been letting it get to me. I just complain and feel stressed and yucky all day long. Not only is this not the way that God wants me to act, but think of the horrible example I am giving off to non-christians that I work with. So, my commitment for this week is to be positive at school. This will be hard, because some of the teachers around me have not made this same commitment! haha. But I feel like that is one way I can be set apart, and make others want what I have (Jesus!)

Back to the anxiety thing..(I know this post is all over the place). I had something very unsettling happen at daycare the other day. Kailey got a new teacher, and when I got to school to pick her up she was like extremely overwhelmed. It was her first day by herself (Kailey is in a class of 5, so she only has 1 teacher for most of the day..but they are in a suite with lots of other teachers and aides, so usually I feel comfortable with that). She was like "Kailey has had like 3 dirty diapers today, and she is really red, and she is out of diapers, and she is out of wipes, and I put cream, but she is really red!!" I was like "Well, ok. Sometimes that happens with a lot of dirty diapers". So, I get home and open her diaper, and not only does she have one of those rashes that is like excruciating for her, but there are remnants of her dirty diaper, if you know what I mean. I was FURIOUS! I was thinking "how long has she been like this??" So Casey calls the director to complain, and speaks with her the next morning. He also speaks to this new teacher who says to him "Yeah, I mean I called my mom and was like ' how many times a day do you even change a baby's diaper??'" So, I hear this and freak out. I spoke with the director and told her this, and they are just going to give the new girl time. In the meantime, I have to worry about my child in that classroom everyday. I am just so scared Kailey is going to get a UTI, or something worse. Not to mention, there is this spot on her rash that I cannot get cleared up.

Ok, so see why I have anxiety?? But I know, this too, I must give to God! Please pray for me to be able to do that, and please pray things get better at daycare. This is the first time I have actually been scared to leave her there. The teacher is really nice, but I feel like they should put someone in there with a bit more experience, since she is by herself!